i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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