I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
