You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
