FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
