the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
