let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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