We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
