office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I woke up under a house in Key West
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