You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
