One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
