I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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