Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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