It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Randomize
