I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
