I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
