i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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