I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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