Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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