I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Someone came in the potted fern
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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