Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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