..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
