Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
