Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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