So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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