god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
