Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
