He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
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There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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