Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
