Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
