omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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