Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
