I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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