I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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