My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My dick has a subreddit
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
