its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
