i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I need to align my fucking chakras
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
