the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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