she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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