I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
