just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
