Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
