am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
