I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
