I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
