Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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