I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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