Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
