Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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