I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
