i think i have two assholes
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
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I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.