is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.