Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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