ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
