I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
