Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
