Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
