I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
