New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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