did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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