you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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