you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
