If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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