Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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