my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
