did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
