here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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