Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
