just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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