somebody snuck up and got me drunk
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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