so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you had me at cake vodka
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
