I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
