I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
