whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
