It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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