matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Randomize
