You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
