Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
