You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm sobbing to NWA
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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